my most frequently asked question
People always ask me where I find the time to do the things I do. The short answer is, I don’t. (The shorter answer is me staring blankly.)
I’m going to be the bearer of bad news: Time is not something you find lying around like spare change. I was lucky to learn in childhood that I am the source of time. So I create it. I also accept that I will feel like I am failing at something all the time. That's the price I pay for attempting to do more than most ever will. I also have a mind that’s going about 100 miles an hour faster than I can act, so I’m always feeling like I’m not doing enough, even as others seem to think I’m doing too much. There’s no perfect balance, but here’s my real secret: I don’t do anything myself. My time is “money” - meaning my time is valuable and I know very well how much it is worth.
Anything that does not require my undivided time or attention doesn't get it.
My down time is just me vegging out alone or doing parallel play with a friend. I really l love this. Critical for my hyperactive brain.
I invite people I trust and respect to work on the boards and committees I lead so that I know they will do the work, too. I know I will only be able to do bits and pieces (still a considerable commitment, mind you), but I trust that my big picture input will be valuable. When I think I am no longer useful to the group, it is time for me to leave.
As a manager, I hire people who I know are hungry to learn and adapt. I feel least successful when I realize I’ve hired someone who is inflexible or who seeks to change the open culture we have cultivated. I would rather nurture a smart, fallible staff member from zero than hire someone who knows everything and won’t accept that they can improve. Knowing how to identify and hire people who are willing to try things and be wrong but get up and try again is the most valuable skill I have. Knowing how to nurture those people is the second. My worst business trait is that I will try to pick up the slack instead of letting difficult or inflexible people fail. I see their failure as my own, and I don’t fail.
I really try not do anything for which I'm not essential. This is a hard lesson my parents tried to teach from when I was old enough to walk. I am such a control freak. I will eat up all my time trying to do everything on my own. So much so that when I was little, my parents would give me a chore list and force me to ask for help on something (what was up to me). You cannot do everything yourself, nor should you. You are not the best at everything that needs doing. Focus on the things that you are best at. Give the rest away.
When I tell folks to outsource and delegate, people push back, usually saying they cannot afford it or they do not trust anyone else. To that I say you cannot afford not to and you need better people if you cannot trust anyone else to help you (or you have trust issues - work those out). It is not impossibly expensive to start outsourcing your life. The cost of paying a little extra is well worth the time saved -- and more importantly, for this anxious introvert, the energy conserved.I have my shopping and groceries delivered. I mean everything from Safeway to Target to Amazon to CVS.
I either use a meal service (Mighty Meals is my current go-to in DC; when I lived in NYC, it was Chef’s Diet), eat simple things I can throw together, or eat delivery. I like to have a restaurant deliver once for several days of reheating, CAVA is great for this.
I love to entertain. I might make a couple of things, but I also have restaurants deliver if I'm hosting dinner for friends. I still plate it and set a beautiful table, but I am going to share the burden with someone because my time is limited.
I have studio assistants do my priming, gessoing, organizing, paint mixing, resetting the studio after a project, etc. Basically, anything I am not good at, don't like, or don't need to do.
I have my frames built by pros and put on by my brother.
I have a home gym (as of 12/2020: and a Peloton membership).
I will take a Lyft or get a ride before I will spend time looking for parking.
I have been going to the same bodywork therapist since 2007. He comes to my house every couple of weeks. I usually schedule this at the end of the work day or in the late-middle (start work at 8:30 and get a massage at 3 pm, finishing my day after).
I float and do acupuncture for personal resets. I need to get back to manicures and pedicures, but my usual place closed. There, I could get my nails done while I got my hair done, follow that with my eyebrows. (My bodywork guy also worked there , so I would start the day with him.)
I have two house cleaners come every two weeks. The day they come, I do laundry. (Also, my washer dryer is in an upstairs bathroom next to my closet. This saves a huge amount of time. Trust me.)
I have my hair done every three weeks. It takes one hour, plus about 15 minutes each way. I block out two hours for it. I will not go to a stylist who can't respect my time. I've walked out of salons with my hair still wet because they think I'm playing. (I'm not.)
Family, romance, and friends are the hard part. It is a constant juggling act.
I do not get to see my favorite cousin (94 as of 2022) as often as I would like. Ideally, I would visit her monthly, but that's very hard given the travel time and my schedule.
I do not see my grandparents as often as I would like, and usually my visits are tied to some assistance I am providing. I miss being able to hang out for no reason.
My best friend and I talk on the phone almost every day, but rarely see each other in person, even pre-panini. He lives in another city, which makes it more difficult, too. I text with several people all day every day, but in person time is hard unless they want to come to my studio, to my house, or to an art event.
I make art events into friends visits. If I go to a fair or gallery, I invite people. This is especially true if the visit is in another city. The travel time can be great for catching up.
Dating is lower on the list than I would like them to be. I have not been on a real date in almost a year, but the format is much the same as anything else. Men who want to get to know me get in where they fit in. Luckily, men who are also active in their communities usually get it: I am not unavailable, I’m just not always available.